Monday, December 8, 2014

Week 1

The first week of what I hope is the rest of my life is now over. It's incredible how years and years of working towards and hinting at this sort of a relationship have gotten me nowhere, but one week of Goddess deciding to take control has changed everything. It relaxes me for two reasons: 1) I wasn't doing anything wrong in the past, aside from the usual mistakes people make in relationships. A sub can't make a D/s relationship happen by him/herself. 2) She said she had her change of heart from reading something on this blog. After great consternation and heartache on my part, last week I sent her the link for this blog for the first time. I was deeply concerned about what she would think about my stories, but that night she delivered her list of rules. I've purposely kept this blog hidden from all the people in my life so that I will feel free to write anything I want. She had seen me working on stories many times, but this was the first time I let her read one. But it wasn't a story that triggered her. She said one of the personal posts told her what she needed to know. And that's me being me. And she likes me!

Things have been different. I haven't gotten to touch myself. We both agree that wearing chastity around the office is a bit weird (and unwieldy. I don't understand why guys I read online don't have bulge issues.), but as soon as I get home I lock up and hand over the key. Even when I have gone on self-enforced stints, I would generally cheat here and there to feel at least the pleasure of an erection. There's no cheating now, and it's a different beast of desire altogether.

I managed to milk myself for the first time, something I've been trying for a while. I was given permission to masturbate, but not the key to my device. I was using my dildos like I sometimes do but this time I realized it was for real: I could not get out. So I just kept working and working at it, not particularly harder than any other time, but now with the knowledge that it was my only option. Sure enough I got a fair amount of white stuff out. Have to admit, it just felt like peeing. I have had something I could class as an "orgasm" (a sort of all-over nerve tingling) while playing with my ass, but this was not one of those.

Goddess has allowed me to lick her ass in the past, particularly on my birthday or when we've been drinking. This past week she has been much more amenable to sitting on my face. Not only that but she's really working it, seriously going for pleasure. Not only that but she's been forcing my face into her ass as well, usually giving me a nice compliment for hitting the spot. Probably the sexiest thing she's done this week is after letting me up from a hard ass grinding session she said, "You did a very good job." It made me feel so sub.

I've been trying to be good but it's a learning curve for me as well as her. One night I failed to keep her wine glass filled as specified in the rules. The next morning she started fooling around with me. After I had worked her up, when I asked to please fuck her, as I usually do, she told me I had to use my "big cock," the strapon. It's always slightly awkward because the strapon doesn't sit in exactly the same position as my biological cock and obviously I can't feel it firsthand. Still, I think I was fucking her well, and she guided my movements with a hand of my back and ass, like she usually does. After she came, that was it. At first I didn't know what to do with my frustration. I went down on her and licked the lube from her beautiful pussy, but that didn't help me and she was clearly over it. So I just lay there and let my erection slowly fade. It's always a slightly sad feeling to lose an erection, as you instruct your body to relax and all your nerve endings quiet down. I felt angsty, frustrated, but undeniably excited and happy. At work afterwards, I kept that quiet frustration, and it continued to build.

Even after I finally came on Friday, the first time all week aside from the milking, I was still horny. I managed another encounter on Sunday, and only then did I really feel better. But in the meantime, I felt like a college kid again. In my very first "honeymoon" period of a sexual relationship, right at the start of college, it felt like I was hard 24/7 and I literally could not stop thinking about sex. All this week, especially the last few days, I felt like that, and even better, Goddess felt it too. For the first time ever while I was driving, she grabbed on to my stiffening cock. I love those casual encounters, and Goddess had never seemed particularly interested in exploring my body, at least not in that virgin discovery kind of way. Now she seemed genuinely interested in my arousal as an object of curiosity. Score.

One last report: it has supercharged ordinary experience with sexual tension, at least for me. I don't know yet if Goddess shares this. Last week I got up to fill her glass. As I was opening the wine bottle, I got hard (insofar as that's possible in a chastity device). Suddenly the mundane task of opening wine felt like a sexual act, because I was working towards a possible release, because I was playing the game that Goddess had set out, because I was pleasing her. Yesterday, in a reefer frenzy, I was searching for some candy to eat. Earlier in the week, Goddess had given me some of my favorite candy the day after I kept her rules. She noticed that I wanted candy and gave me several pieces from the secret stash. I got hard. Eating candy became a sexual act. All because the rules of the game have changed.

That's it. That's my first report from the other side.

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