Monday, July 1, 2013

A little about me

I'll elaborate of my recent prolific writing. I've been building this femdom world in my head, through stories and captions for many years. I have had a novel-sized plot that I was working on for the last two years. I recently realized that it was the overwhelmingly boringness of the main characters that was making the story hard to write. I jotted down a sexual fantasy and started adding to it. 6 stories sprouted from there.

I' m currently at 25k words in total.

The other change was buying a chastity device. Simply taking away that release has freed me from any hard stop on writing time. I can continue working on an idea late into the night because I never cum and crash to sleep.

While I've always fantasized about chastity on men and enforced chastity worlds, it never seemed like an idea for me because I was such a serial masturbator. I hadn't gone more than three days without coming since first discovering manual masturbation at age 13 or somewhereabouts. Even before that time, I'd discovered from climbing trees that if I rubbed the tree tightly as I climbed it felt good. I can't imagine how the bark didn't destroy my flesh through my sweatpants, but there we are. I probably hadn't gone a week without masturbating since age 5. From ages 16-22 I was masturbating at least twice and up to five times a day.

In my last relationship, I had problems with staying hard off and on. Part of it, in retrospect, was that were were miles apart in what we wanted sexually. I've learned to be a switch out of necessity of being a heterosexual male, but I'm truly a sub through and through. Throughout that relationship I masturbated compulsively to femdom porn and my own stories. I'd masturbate right after sex and use the weekly sex to keep my masturbation fantasies fresh. Eventually she just stopped having sex with me and refused to discuss things. I can finally understand now, it was because our sex sucked and she didn't want to do it anymore.

In this relationship I've been more honest about the connection between fantasy and reality. My girlfriend has always been a submissive person in relationships, but before meeting me decided she wanted to take charge of her life. It's been my great pleasure to help her explore that in life and in sex. Consequently, I've tried to cut down on masturbation and porn to focus on her. Sometimes I've been good and looked at no porn for days, other times I was masturbating as compulsively as always. I never had the magnitude of ED with my current girlfriend as my ex, but I've had issues here and there.

My biggest concern has always been, since the beginning of my sex life, I have to focus on a fantasy of one kind or another to actually cum. The feeling can be amazing, I can be present in the moment for most of the act, but if I want to go over the edge, I have to imagine things. When I haven't cum in a week, that requirement disappears.

So basically I've been treating my cock like a dangerous inmate. He's not allowed to look at porn anymore (except when I've been picking pics for the story. Seems like a necessary evil). He's much too adolescent to be allowed control of my body, for the time being at least. I've made a deal with myself that my cock will stay locked up until I finish this block of stories, except when my girlfriend sees fit to release him. So far it's been going great. If I keep up the pace I should be feeling the sweet familiar feeling of my hard cock in my hand. Until then, he's only let out to fulfill his one purpose: making Her happy.

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